I got stuck spending quite a bit of time with a person I would characterize as negative last week. It’s easy for me to get frustrated in those situations and I really have to work to not let myself fall into the negative trap. It breeds like zombie walkers, stumbling towards the next victim, except instead of brains or bowels, the negative eats your hopes and courage, and most tragically, your energy.
The thing I can do is constantly remind myself of is that everyone is probably doing the best he or she can with what he or she has right now.
I lived in that space for a long time, the space where you put one foot in front of the other and do your best just to make it through the day.
The memory space on Facebook really took me back to a few of those instances in the past week, like taking kids to the haunted house a couple of days after Ex2 got out of treatment. That time was exciting and scary and hopeful. We did the best we could as long as we could.
Or when I found out Big Dave was gone. He was such a beautiful spirit, and wise for having so few years on this earth. He was so much more than he realized.
Most of us are, though. Most of us are more than we realize. In a world seemingly filled with bombasts and super egos, we forget that loud, boisterous, and attention-seeking behavior isn’t congruent with happiness.
It’s easy to feel like you’re not enough, whatever the enough you judge yourself as—smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, financial secure enough, interesting enough, popular enough—the list could go on and on, depending on one’s age or circumstance.
I like to think that for every obnoxious fool, there are thousands of us living more quiet, happy lives that have a sense of purpose. Joy runs a bit brighter, but for whatever reason, happiness is calm.
A text exchange with a friend from back home reminded me of something really important.
“You’re happy aren’t you?” he asked.
I paused.
“It’s okay to say it out loud,” he continued.
He was right. Trainers are probably better than bartenders as far as problem solving. They hear it all and see us at our best and our worst.
He was right. I am happy. I’m not doing the best I can in the given moment. So I am saying it out loud.
I am happy.
I’m not worried that anyone will think I’m bragging about my life.
I’m not worried that happiness will leave me.
It’s not like I’m riding unicorns here. But trying to pinpoint why is like trying to catch a firefly.
It’s better to enjoy it.
Things I Am Grateful for on a Monday Night in October
· The way Alli tilts her head when she thinks she is getting a treat.
· Compression socks
· The Cubs in the World Series
· Finding a Captain Solo for my Princess
· Snapchatting with Will
· Feeling comfortable enough to share my painting.
· Netflix
· Libraries where I can still check out real books.
· Libraries with internet holds and self-checkout to sate my introvert.
· Doggie day care
· The badass sweaty feeling after finishing a run
· Bob Dylan finally acknowledging the Nobel Prize in his very Bob way.
· Exploring the new spaces where we live.
· Snapchatting with Kylee
· Phone convos that end up as homework sessions
· Watching Joe’s weird sleeping poses
· Being okay with who I am and the life I live.